Deliverance of a Broken Heart

This poem was initiated a few years ago.  It has been amended during times when I needed to express my feelings. It has served as a friend to listen to the cries of a broken heart & discouraged spirit…

Pen to paper.

Thoughts filling my mind.

There is no strainer but the conviction in my heart.

My God is here and He is near.

He knows my inner thoughts.

He knows I wish some things didn’t happen…like broken feelings.

Can’t close the door on feelings.

Don’t want to.

But I want to.

Don’t want to.

I can close the door on pain…when I am strengthened.

Since He is my joy.  His word says that “His strength is my Joy”.

I must be strong.

I need His strength.

I am here. I am just not what I was before.

Don’t know if I’m supposed to be.

Maybe what I don’t have is needed when I gain more of Him.

More wanting to be in tune with what He has for me.

Help me Lord to be who You desire for me to be.  Less of me and more of You.

I’m not fading. I’m real.  I know my better days are ahead.  I’m just waiting.

For what…?

Promises to be fulfilled.

I have enough life experience to wait.  I am okay with that.  I’ve done this before.

I’ve started again before.

This is familiar.

Starting again because resiliency is friend of mine.

It’s okay.  The next time will be better.

The next time has to better.

Better every day.  Better even now.

It used to be better when I didn’t think about it…better if I pretended to be numb.

I don’t want to be numb. I want to feel less broken. Less unseen.

Better in hope because God is my ointment.

I will remind myself that I matter to God. I matter to my family. I matter to my friends. I matter to my colleagues & students. I matter to the the person I want to know. I matter to the person that wants to know me. I matter to be known. I matter to the future. Because in that future will be my heart’s desire.

I matter for these things.

And that is more.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

…leading to a delivered heart that is opening up to what the future holds.

There was a time when I was so broken, I forgot that God has a plan for me. It was easier to remain in hurt & not dream anymore. Because of the hurt, I hid. I was guarded. At times, I’m still guarded. I apologize for how that has affected me, my perception, my words or non-words, or the feelings of others. I’m unlearning how to live hurt.

But now,…

I’m dreaming more & more. I am hopeful.  I’m remembering that I matter for many reasons. My feelings matter as they progress & process.

When something doesn’t happen, you begin to feel it won’t & your faith lessens in that area.

A couple of summers ago, God said to me “you are wanted, needed, & loved.”  There were more specifics but I’m reminded every day that I matter through those words.

Now,If you have a dream or a desire, God won’t let you forget because He doesn’t forget.  He will softly remind you that you are made for more…you have purpose…

Remember, there is a promise attached to those words.

Now, I desire the promise even more.

Thank you for sharing this MOMENT with me!  I look forward to sharing more moments with you as you meander through my little snapshot of the world.

Smile and Love,

Shayla ❤

 

A Trusted Choice

There are times when all you need is a listening ear or a thoughtful word of encouragement.

There are times when that encouragement is you.  Your life is encouraging to other people because you are alive, consistent, and you care.

My impact can only be as great as I allow it.  God uses all of us.  It is only the capacity to which we allow ourselves to be used that is the difference.~ ladychanene

A little boy that was in my summer Kindergarten S.T.E.M. class when he was 5 years old would often stop me in the hallway to let me know how much fun he had learning in my science class.  Our first unit was on Bubbles!  Can you believe I was teaching 4 and 5 year olds the physics behind bubbles?! It was a lot of fun and I remember that time often. He has endured so much since that time.  Over a holiday break, two of his family members were shot outside their home.  I didn’t find out about it until after the holiday break.

As we parted our ways for Spring Break, I saw him going to his locker to “find” his jacket and called him over.  I asked where he was going for break and he said down south to visit family. Part of me said, “Shayla, give him a hug. You may not see him for awhile.” I remember that last time I heard that whisper one of my former students had moved away.  I didn’t hug him and later found out that he had moved away.  So, I hugged this little boy.  He gave me such a squeeze and I squeezed right back.  Maybe I will see him after break.  Maybe he may move away because things got too hard.  I’m happy I could share that moment with him.

There are so many moments we miss out on.  There are so many moments that we take hold of and never let go. I feel that sometimes those moments that are lost come back.  Whether it is the same thing with the same people or another opportunity to start again.  More importantly, I think it is all about the change taking place on the inside within, if you allow it.  I try not to live with regrets but I have regrets. Many of us do. There are always things that I wish I would’ve given more of me, something I wish I would have said or didn’t say, or something I wish I could’ve done or not done. My impact can only be as great as I allow it.  God uses all of us.  It is only the capacity to which we allow ourselves to be used that is the difference.

My prayer is for God to restore the moments that were lost or stolen in my life and divinely connect me with the plan He had in mind. When I use the word lost or stolen, I am referring to the scripture in the Bible, Joel 2:25~the Lord will repay what the locust has stolen.  Also, I am referring that the enemy, Satan comes to steal, kill & destroy dreams, hopes, lives, etc.  I believe that not only is God a redeemer of lives, but He redeems time. Not like time traveling, but that He gives us the time we need to accomplish or do these things or events that we weren’t able to do before.  I heard or read somewhere that some things in life happen that God “fits” into the plan that He had all along. I am finding truth in this idea because God gives us freewill to make choices. Some choices may be the right ones for our lives. Some choices may not be the best choices for our lives. Yet, He displays the options and allows us to make a choice. His great love for us causes Him not to keep us in a place that He knows will not nourish us in healthy ways as a person.  It’s like God brings you back to the start and you are in the right place at the right time and in the right frame of mind to receive what He planned all along in the first place.

Jeremiah 29:11~

For I know the plans I have for you to prosper you not to harm you to give you a hope and a future.

A couple of months ago, the Lord spoke to my heart saying, “Trust that what I have for you is good…” Although, I may not know where, when, or what I do know that what God has for me is good. My encouragement to myself, any and all who are reading this post: Believe that God only has the best in mind when it comes to you. He will never steer you wrong. His desire and your own personal desire may clash at times but when you ask Him to make your desire His desire, you’ll find that He is not only meeting your needs but taking care of your wants. His desire is your desire. And of course, “what God has for you is for you.”

One of my favorite scriptures & staple that I use when I stand on the word of God is Psalms 21:2 ~You have given him the desire of his heart. You have not kept from him anything that he has asked for.

God gives the desires of hearts. 🙂

Choosing to trust Christ and His plan is always the trusted choice.

Thank you for sharing this MOMENT with me!  I look forward to sharing more moments with you as you meander through my little snapshot of the world.

Smile and Love,

Shayla ❤