Last One Picked

Lately, I have been thinking about the idea of the “Last One Picked”.  As a school teacher, I see it on many occasions when I allow my students to choose partners or teams to do a learning activity or to play Jeopardy to review for an upcoming test.  I never really like to look at the faces of those students who look with anticipation at their peers whom they thought were their buddies but in turn do not give them a second glance.  Some students already know that they will be rejected by their classmates and in turn put up a shield assuming the role of “stag” studying just to avoid the embarrassment of being the last one picked.

I have had my experiences in being the last one picked.  Whether it was in gym class, study partners, competitions, and even in the work force.  I bravely assumed that if my peers really knew how awesomely cool I am they would select me FIRST. (of course) :0  But I reside to blame my humility as the reason why I wasn’t selected first.  As a person, you try not to let your number of selection be important because it is just a number…but in a sense it does feel like it means something.  Currently, over the past few years after I graduated from college those feelings seem to have crept back in.  The old haunts of resting my identity in Christ or in the hands of my peers or one day…a potential husband.

The truth is…I only ever really wanted one person.  One man…the RIGHT man to find me.

Could it be that I am in a long line of females all vying for the attention of one man?

Does God have that one man reserved and set aside for me?

Am I special enough for God to orchestrate a love story that defies even the greatest movie of all-time’s accolades?

Could there be one man in the generation of “grab where you can get it” and “I gotta get mines” that has chosen to reserve himself for me?

YES (with bells on)!!

I come from a background where the phrase “delayed doesn’t mean denied” is not just a saying but a mantra.  Recently, I watched a Christian film about a woman whose father would pray for her every night since the night of her birth.  He was raising her as a single-parent because her mother died in childbirth.  When she turned 16, she wanted to begin dating like her peers.  Her father chose to shelter and protect her purity by encouraging her to wait for the man that God has set aside for her.  He mentored her through the idea that on your wedding night how will you explain your commitment to purity before marriage.  He asked her, “Would you like to be with a man who has kissed many women or saved all of the love he wanted to share just for you?”  Who do you think she chose?  If you said the latter, you right!  Good job!  Throughout the movie, it shows how she fell to temptation but when God opened up a door to run she literally ran away.  There were times in the movie that depicted how she went through seasons of loneliness and faced persecution by males and females for her choice to wait.  Surprisingly, even her Christian gal pals criticized her choice and even encouraged her to defy not only her father but God’s heart’s desire for all of us.  Despite where we may have fallen short in this area, God’s love for us still remains.  He loves us with an ever-lasting love no matter what we have done or will do.   I know and understand that the heart of Pamela’s father is an example of God’s heart for us.  The movie is called Pamela’s Prayer.  I encourage you to look it up…it is very encouraging.

I could relate with every moment and scene of this movie.  Sometimes I wonder if my ideals are just the thoughts of a 10-year old girl that would sit by her window and pray for “her Man of God”.  Or could it really be what God is asking me to do? I can remember times when I heard people blatantly talking about me and wondering “what if” questions about me. What if she never gets married?  What if she doesn’t like men? (Please don’t disrespect my future husband.) What if you get too old and I don’t get to see you walk down the aisle?  (This one hasn’t been said but it may be in the thoughts of my loved ones.) The fact remains and always will be that I am waiting for my Man of God to find me. When I say that I am waiting, it is really an act of actively waiting.  I define actively waiting as trusting the Lord to fulfill His promise to me as I believe and speak the promises He has spoken to me personally about my situation(s).  Ephesians 3:20 says, “God is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us.”  What am I believing about my situation of waiting?  I am believing that God will fulfill every promise He has spoken over my life through prayer, prophesy and His Word.  God wants to do amazing things FOR us  but we need to ALLOW ourselves to believe than He can and will!!

At times I am reminded of this verse from Psalm 119:81: I deeply long for you to save me.  I have put my hope in your Word.  Always go back to His Word and declare His promises.  In Psalm 138:8 it says, “The Lord will perfect the concerns of my heart”.  God promises to make perfect every concern that I have.  Being single is a concern for me because I feel I’m called to be married.  Am I believing for God to save me from the single life?…NO!  Although, I admit I wish it hasn’t lasted this long.  I believe that this season of waiting has a purpose.  A preparation purpose.  I am one of those teachers who doesn’t “fly by the seat of her pants” which means I spend numerous amounts of time (too much time) planning lessons and activities that will enrich the lessons and the lives of my students.  I can “fly by the seat of my pants” but I’d feel more comfortable and successful knowing that my efforts will lead to a greater outcome.  When I do get married and become a wife and mother this will be one of the most important roles of my Christian life and service to God.  I will be the help-mate that God ordained to reach the Kingdom of God with my Earthly King.

As his Earthly Queen, I understand that God built me as a perfectly designed gift to my husband.  A God designed accomplice in soul-winning for Jesus.  We should be a God -designed match to each other.  This makes me think of a time I had asked my pastor to pray for me about a potential relationship with a man.  I came to my pastor because I had wanted to hear his advice on the matter and to gain more insight on this man’s Godly character. I remembered hearing someone say that when you think you found a person of quality to date learn more about who he is from wise people that you trust that know the man in question.  I am so happy I followed wisdom’s guidelines.  The Lord revealed to me personally in quiet times of prayer and through my pastor that this man was not the Man of God he was portraying to be.  This man was portraying the characteristics of who my heart desired but within my spirit I kept feeling like he wasn’t the one.  My pastor said that God was saying to me “this is a test…He is everything that you want but he’s really not.”

Honesty is so important to me.  It is so important to let the Holy Spirit, prayer, and advice/prayer from wise people in Lord be partners in this journey.  If I was at that desperate level, we all know we’ve gotten to that point, I would have regretted every moment of a relationship with this man.  It could have led to wounds that I would need to heal from before I met my REAL King.  The true desire of my heart would not have been realized. I’d rather seek the Lord and wait than rush into something without seeking the Lord and regret that I hadn’t waited.  But nothing we ever experienced is to waste…God in His infinite plan can cause even our mistakes to prosper. (“The grace of God even makes my mistakes to prosper” or “whatsoever he does shall prosper” Ps. 1:3)

Genesis 2:7 says “Man was molded into form.” but Genesis 2:22 says “Woman was brought unto the man.”  The Message Bible translation says “God used the rib he had taken from the Man to make Woman and presented her to the Man.”  Women, WE are meant to be presented to our Men of God.  He is meant to find us as God presents us to him.

When????!!! 

I am believing at the appointed time. According to Habakkuk 2:3 it says, “The vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry.”  Despite how I may feel at times and wonder about how I can I endure these moments of single-hood, I am learning that it is not about enduring life as a single.  It is about living life recognizing the fact that right now I GET to be single!  I CAN BE SINGLE ADULT who:

  • can set my own schedule
  •  have sole control of the remote
  • cook or eat-out
  • plan and go on trips (not-only day trips or trips to the supermarket)

The possibilities are ENDLESS!!!

It is not easy set my mind to thinking this way but I know it is for my greater good.  I encourage every young woman or man who believes that God has called them to be married to choose to WAIT for the one reserved for you.  If you are currently in a relationship or inquiring about being in a relationship with someone, seek the Lord about it.  Ask Him…He will tell you.  When I was going through the same situation (and on occasions before) I asked the Lord if this man was the man he reserved for me?  God said to me “Time will tell.”  I said, “What do you mean time will tell?”  Of course, leave it to God to say something that does not make any sense.  Why are you telling me riddles?  Just answer me yes or no.  Well, in His infinite wisdom He was telling me to wait, pray and watch.  My prayers  to God were specific about the questions that I had about this man that I wanted God to reveal.  EACH one He did.  I did not have to do ANYTHING but watch it unfold.  This man admitted to me EVERYTHING!!  See how GOOD our God is.  He wanted to spare me hurt and pain that I would have faced if I didn’t listen to Him.  Time did tell me EVERYTHING that I needed to know.  Not seeing this relationship unfold in my life was painful yet again. But it was less pain than if I hadn’t listened to the Lord.

Again I say:  Seek the Lord…Ask Him…He wants to spare you any unnecessary pain at all costs.  Although it may seem lonely, you will never regret waiting once you get what will totally satisfy your heart’s desires.  Remember, you are not on this journey alone.  I am here with you and there are many brothers and sisters in Christ who are choosing to wait.  Just remember it may only feel like you are the last one picked…but know this: YOU are the last one picked with purpose on purpose.  God is doing this!! Allow Him to shock and surprise you in 2014.  Trust Him and rely on His promises.  He will never fail you.  He loves you with an ever-lasting love.

Thank you for sharing this MOMENT with me!! I look forward to sharing more moments with you as you meander through my little snapshot of the world!

Smile,

Shayla

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9 thoughts on “Last One Picked

  1. Love your blog and you are so inspirational. Please keep writing more blogs. It’s something that young girls and women need to hear and read about today. Thank you soooooooo much…

    • Ajia
      Thank you so much for your kind words. I truly appreciate hearing them. I hope that all who read feel inspired and encouraged to take a stand for what they feel God is calling them to do in life. You are welcome sooooooooo much….!!

  2. Shayla,
    I am so proud of you! You are so brave to share your inner and private thoughts with us! You are truly a woman of God and I believe, as you do, that God has a plan and a husband for you! Your students are so blessed to have a such a dedicated teacher as you! Not only do they benefit from your thoroughness in planning and the execution of those plans , but your school and your district does as well! Consequently, the world becomes a better place!
    Yes, I remember the days of being the last one chosen for teams in gym class and playground sports! I see that same pain in the eyes of my students, too, when they are left to choose partners for learning activities ! It brings back memories, hence why I, sometimes, use a number system when students are asked to work in groups or with a partner …. Also, share my story with them! They are aware that the seemingly confident woman that stands before them each day has bore the same pain they feel ….
    Continue to stand by your principals and your faith! God keeps his promises ! Love you! You are truly a role model to all girls and young women! Thank God for giving you the inspiration to share with others via this blog!

  3. Your aunt sent me a text to read this. Young lady you have stirred the fire back in my faith concerning a husband. This is something I have been praying about for a long time. I was raised by married parents who only had their kids by each other. That’s the foundation I wanted for me and my family since I was in my 20s. I knew I would make an excellent wife. I have boldly told my girlfriends that I was going to get married because I was standing on the promises of God! Since then years and many years have gone by without that which I desire…a Godly husband and children! I am 41 and no sign of even a man. I was weary and hanging by threads until I read your blog. Thank you for causing me to stop and pray. I had to Thank God for renewing my faith and strengthening me to continue to believe until “this too shall come to pass.”

    • Hutosha,
      Thank you so much for your response. It is helpful to know that we are not alone in this season. A great encouragement to me was others stepping out and sharing their stories. My parents are still together and have only had children by each other. I am blessed to have known that kind of life. It seems to be rare. I also desire to marry a Godly husband and have children. The vision is yet for an appointed time though it tarry it will surely come (Hab. 2:3). I have recently begun fasting and praying for my husband. I have often prayed for him but now I’ve included fasting. I am sure you have said many prayers; I know that they haven’t fallen on deaf ears. This is the season where God desires to give us the desires of our hearts. I claim that 2014 is the Year of the Dream. I exhort you to cry out to the Lord laying out your heart’s desires. There is a connection between prayer, praise, and God showing up. But there needs to be that demand and urgency. (Acts 16) Whatever the Lord is asking you to do just do it. Every act of obedience has a blessing. Do something you’ve never done so God can do something for you that He hasn’t done yet in your life. He has a tailored-made blessing just for you! He WANTS to shock and surprise you in 2014!! I am thankful my Aunt passed the message along to you.

      Smile,
      Shayla

  4. This was an excellent read, every middle school to high school student should read this, prayerfully it would inspire a lot less promiscuity in our young girls.
    I even searched for the movie you mentioned and found it on YouTube, it was a bad picture but a good movie.
    Thank you for this, I’ve sent the link to several family members and they love it!

  5. Liana,
    Thank you so much for your reply. It has definitely been my prayer that the Lord would allow for this message reach who He wanted it to reach. I also agree that our middle and high school generation need a refreshing perspective on dating and relationships with their opposite sex peers. We are here to encourage and lift each other up. When I needed perspective, I searched the Internet for ways other young women were handling being single and waiting. I was so encouraged by their responses I decided to share my own. I’ve learned that when we realize that God never wastes any experience it is a little easier to heal and to understand how we are to respond so that He gets all the glory. I have been really blessed and encouraged by following a blog/twitter titled Becoming Esther, also. I pray that waiting for love becomes the trend instead of rushing for love. Please continue to read and pass along!!

    Smile,
    Shayla

    • I find your responses very mature and refreshing, it is my prayer that the desires of your heart be manifested to you n you enjoy them to the utmost. I praise GOD for your decision to begin this blog. I am looking forward to your next and subsequent submissions. Stay blessed and uplifted…in Jesus’Name!

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